The onset of the NHL Playoff Season marks the beginning of the Hockey player’s superstitious ritual of growing their beard in hopes of a continued winning streak. No one is really sure if there is a Hockey God, and whether he/she favor those with beards, but with back-to-back playing schedules and the remote possibility it could work, I think most players jump at the chance to skip shaving.
That said, not all players have the same grooming and beard magic. In fact, their astrological Sun Sign says a lot about how they get their chin flow game on.
Basically Aries don’t really like beards. They like love their faces (and mirrors) and are notoriously vain. More often than than not, they will opt for some weird variation on a chin beard or mustache. They aren’t superstitious so growing a beard will have no psychologically impact on their game. Letting it grow much past 5 O’clock is torture for them BUT during playoffs, they will grow one pretty much to avoid grief in the locker room.
A true Taurus knows how to rock their flow. They are the Dapper Dans of the zodiac. They like to dress to impress off and on ice. For them, looking good is more about feeling clean, put together and expensive. Dressing for success — or the win — is important to their mental game. They love hair products and grooming but unlike Aries, Tauruses aren’t vain. They are a superstitious sign, so they have no issues changing their look if they think it will give them an edge on ice. Unfortunately, they often have trouble filling in above their jawline (think Abe Lincoln) but these handsome bulls make up for it by keeping their bucket flow solid.
NIKITA KUCHEROV of the Tampa Bay Lightning is a good example of a Gemini beard. Let’s face it, Gemini’s are all over the place. They are the twins of the Zodiac, so more often than not you’ll see his bearded self one day and a clean shaven version the next. They get bored easily and love variety. Gemini’s aren’t superstitious. As one of the most non-committal of the Zodiac Signs, they often start out growing a beard but as soon as it doesn’t work (i.e. they have an off night) they say “f-it I’m shaving this off.” That said, I wouldn’t put it past a Gemini to shave and then start regrowing a beard further down in the playoffs if they get bored of looking at their own reflection.
DUNCAN KEITH of the Chicago Blackhawks is a predictable red haired Cancer Crab. Cancers are notoriously the moodiest of the signs, and nothing says “I’m moody” like a nice bushy beard. That said, Cancers don’t grow beards out of depression or lack of “giving a crap”. No no no! They do it because they are one of the most team-loyal players in the Zodiac. When they are on a team, they are 110% committed and will do whatever it takes to show their commitment. Regardless of type — ginger, fair skinned Swede, Muppet or baldie, they will grow a beard and wear it like a champ. But YES… most likely they will bitch about it the entire playoff season. Luckily their teammates know to ignore them.
Leos, like Aries, don’t usually like to rock a beard. Leos are known for having a physically commanding presence and nothing screams “I’m the boss” like a well-defined jawline. That said, jawline or not, Leo’s never lack for confidence so when you throw a big old beard on top of that Leo pride you get double the cocky-factor. Keep in mind, grooming is important to them, so while they want that “I woke up this way” look, don’t be fooled, they are futzing with that thing for a good 30 minutes before hitting the ice.
JORDIE BENN of the Montreal Canadiens is one of the few Leo’s who rocks the big old Leo Lion beard. And he does it all year round. There isn’t much actual flowing going on with his chin flow — he has so much product in it, he’d could probably take a lucky bounce off the “beard” and land an assist. Typical Leo showboat maneuver.
Virgos are the perfectionists of the Zodiac. When, and if, a Virgo decides to grow a beard, it’s serious business. It’s doesn’t necessarily have to look good but it’s gotta be functional and clean. Virgo’s need order to function at the top of their game so even if their playoff scruff makes them appear a bit disheveled, you can bet that beard gets a good scrubbing after ever game and they have a solid pre-game beard ritual.
BRADEN HOLTBY of the Washington Capitals is representing the goalie Beard game. His Virgo’s “beard luck” is seemingly working for him as he’s continues to hover around a .924 Sv%. You gotta give a guy who wears that much gear and adds a bushy old beard to his face some credit. With that much fur he’s basically playing Bikram style goaltending.
HENRIK ZETTERBERG of the Detroit Red Wings plays the Libra Beard role just right – not too short, not too long, not to slick not to scruff. Our non-judgmental Libras love to appeal to the masses. Libras are the pleasers of the zodiac and seek to find win-win scenarios in every situation. They figure if growing a beard makes everyone on the team feel like we’re gonna win, AND they can look good doing it… why the hell not! They aren’t push overs, and they won’t do anything they don’t feel is right, but they will often find a way to rationalize even just a little ‘stash or chin beard to keep everyone happy. Libras are smart and know not to rock the boat during the playoffs.
JASON GARRISON of the Tampa Bay Lightning rocks a typical Scorpio playoff beard. Scorpios are intense and extremely superstitious. They also are big believers in the art of intimidation. The Scorpion carries a huge stinger on its tail to remind everyone that if and when they want to take you down…they will. And for Scorpio players an unkempt “I don’t care what I look like” beard is the look they’re going for. They’ll grow it out no matter how patchy or high up their face or down their neck. They want everyone to know they’re in this to win it.
DREW DOUGHTY of the LA Kings embodies the Sagittarius Beard flow. Sagittarius is the half-man half-beast of the zodiac. They’re physically fit and it’s not uncommon for them to want tattoos or other self-expressive markings. The Sagittarius beard almost always serves as an accessory to an already distinct and ethnically ambiguous look. Sagittarius maneuver and manipulate everything because of their approachable looks, charms and smarts. A beard to them is just one more way to add sleight of hand to their already crafty play style.
PATRICK SHARP of the Dallas Stars is a classic Capricorn grinder. It’s true he has a pretty boy look off ice, but contrary to what one might expect when it comes down to getting work done, Capricorns don’t give a crap what they look like. Whether they won the genetic lottery or not, Capricorn players will grow the ugliest of playoff beards if it means it will help them put points on the board. They are all about creating a plan, executing and if that doesn’t work, they make it work. They often can be so fixated on the task at hand that even grooming or trimming up their neck never crosses their mind. Warning, if you see a Capricorn with a beard, you can pretty much bet he’s rocking the hockey cologne.
JAGR JAROMIR of the Florida Panthers pretty much sets the tone for Aquarius Beards. Aquarians change their look season after season. They express themselves outwardly through creative facial hair, tattoos, & unique clothing. The weirder the better for an Aquarius. They are non-conformists.They get bored quickly and their worst fear is complacency so expressing themselves creatively helps keep their mental edge. If they feel like they are challenging the norm they feel alive. So during playoffs, they may feel the need to do something wacky with their beard just to get the fire going in their belly.
BRENT BURNS of the San Jose Sharks is a bit of a Pisces Beard cliché. In true Pisces form, Burns rocks his unkempt beard with little to no concern for what message it might be sending. Truth be told, he likely has a beard because he thought it’d be fun. Pisces are the spontaneous dreamers of the Zodiac and have little patience for mundane routine. They have incredible imaginations so dressing to “play a part” is a fun and creative outlet for them.
They are the kindest sign of the Zodiac so while their beards may give off a scary-monster vibe, they in truth, are the Hagrid of the NHL Hogwarts — strong, kind and always the optimist of the team. They put playing hockey and taking care of the people they care about above taking care of themselves.
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